by

For too long we have farmed ricecorn in sterile hypermodern isolation with a chrome sneer. We serve our children pathetic, microdick pellets, a pale shadow of the primordial chad-grain torpedos of the ancient ur-ricecorn which grew in the weirdbogs along the edges of the prebiotic soup.

 

"We risk an agricultural 9/11 if we don't act now."

 

All food was meant to grow in an ecosystem, not separated into its individual parts. We don't need pesticides, machinery, GMO, 5G, 6G, we just need the original G: Girl. Many girls roam feral through the generic countryside, and are blasted on sight by zealous farmers with elephant guns.

 

What if we return to the old ways? Create pockets of authentic nature wherein the girls shit in the paddies, eat the bugs, and flail idiotically: fertilizer, pesticide, and water oxygenation all in one.

 

Important tools:

-rewired tablet (it's gonna get cracked and muddy so get a cheapy from the flea market)

-Multi-stick (scraps of metal, rubber, duct tape as a skeleton for taser, caffeine canisters, whatever else you gotta plap onto it)

-mac n cheese jerky (high cal energy boost--"The Farmer's Friend")

 

Step 1: It's easy to take any ol tablet and wire the webcam so you can see girlescent particles (lavender = pain, sea green = lifeforce, fuchsia = radiation). Make sure their levels are good and chuck any high-rad girls back into the exo-hinterlands. Let em stew a bit!

 

Step 2: To get enough fertilizer you need girls with extra-long intestines. Ass-busting coils to bring glory to the nation. And to these girls we feed the top 5% most fibrous bugs in the world. Usually their grub form is best. Locusts are a good pick--turn famine into opportunity. Chitin is insoluble fiber, so in terms of girl species we favor Golden Eczemic Cali Girls which can process the chitin into soluble fiber.

NOTE: Don't get your waste products in the ricecorn paddy. This is a closed fecal environment. Of course you can't help if some random generic animal comes along but you need to make sure your modern civ-poisoned guts don't interfere. Keep your toilet on a separate line.

 

Step 3: The girls thrash around in the water, oxygenating it for primo ricecorn fertility. If they "ain't" thrashing enough, squirt a little (or a lot!!) liquid caffeine into the paddy.

 

Step 4: Be genuinely happy for the girls. Be genuinely happy for the ricecorn. Be genuinely happy for the water and the weeds. If you don't have good feeling toward the upward-lifting-beings of the world, give up being a farmer right now.

 

Step 5: Remember to eat a good breakfast. Eat your cereal specially nutritionally formulated with your own brew of fermented ricecorn bio-fuel.

Step 6: What do you do with the rest of your day?

The Gamestop ruin is a PC bang now. It has a long metal pole extending from the top so its height qualifies for anchor store subsidies. Look in the windows. They're playing leeg and pubguh. Be grateful for your freespirited farmer lifestyle.

Go two shops down and get a styrofoam container of 0.0001 dilute saffron ramen w/ "chkn" foam and a succussed rhubarb milkshake.

 

A sweeping landscape shot of the Baltic Greebled Arcology is projected across the face of the mountain. The town makes 0.1 a year from allowing this migration-ad.

 

Go to the clinic.

  1. Watch aquarium footage on the monitor. Most of those animals are dead now.

  2. Get your bat biological essence shot. This protects you from 90% modern diseases of civilization.

  3. Get some kind of pill liquid dust powder app thing that makes you feel like another human being touched you. "Fool's Oxytocin"

 

Back to the farm. Through tiles of mud and grass. You should have fallen asleep by now.

 

Arm the electric tripwires. Arm the high-pitched whistling devices. A loud night you cannot hear. If anyone comes near the farm a recording of a dog will play. Angry dog!!

 

You can do whatever you want as you fall asleep. You can use your tablet to read about anything in the world. There are so many places in the world. There are so many people. You can look at pictures of all of them.

 

Good night.

ug is an event programme started in 2019 by matt hanson and kathrin bentele that takes place in the kunsthalle zurich untergeschoss event centre 

mail@ug-pgrogramm.com